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How to support someone who is in mourning: five strategies supported by research
Jul
When someone we care about, despairing the loss of a beloved person, our natural instinct is to alleviate pain. But when the words seem clumsy and gestures are not arduous, it can be arduous to know how to facilitate.
Drawing both My research As an advisory psychologist and 18 years of supporting clients in therapy, I identified five compassionate, supported by research on how to walk alongside someone who regrets.
Regardless of whether you are a close friend, family member or a caring friend, these approaches will facilitate you offer support in a significant and legitimate way.
1. The grief is a lot of disguises
Our expectations of how regret should look like, often shaped by culture, media or personal experience and may not remind much how regret lives.
Sadness They may appear as physical symptoms Like exhaustion, loss of appetite or insomnia; as behavior such as withdrawal from others or drinking more; And as thoughts or emotions, from apathy and numbness to anger or intense sadness.
It can be clamorous, overwhelming or peaceful and barely perceptible. Some people immediately feel deep sadness; Others do not feel anything for weeks or even months. Lack of explicit sadness is not necessarily a cause for concern; It may reflect the relief that a loved one hates or is a sign of early correction.
Read more: Not all mourning happens after mourning – for some, it may start to start many years before the death of a loved one
One of the most sympathetic things you can do is confirm what the regret of shape is. Provide a person that there is no “proper” way to sadden and support in tuning in what their body and emotions need.
2
Almost every client I worked with described someone, often a friend, a friend and even a family member who avoided them or ignored him after losing. This is one of the most painful experiences for someone who already feels defenseless.
Often avoiding is not malicious. He is guided by the fear of saying the wrong thing or they do not know how to facilitate. But by avoiding the topic, we send unintentional news: your regret is too large.
Recognizing death, even simply saying: “I am very sorry about your loss”, it is not a reminder of their pain, it is a sign that you see and honor him. Inviting someone, even if they fall, reports that they still belong and are welcome.
If someone begins to cry, it is natural that they want to fix things, offer comfort and even pass the tissue. But too early tissue administration can accidentally signal that they should stop crying. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is sit with your own discomfort and just be present. This peaceful witness can facilitate a funeral person feel less alone.
3. Let the myth of “Stages of regret”
Many people are still learning to expect ordered progress of regret: denial, anger, negotiations, depression and acceptance, popularized by the Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in the 1960s. Although these emotions are true and common, studies show that most people do not experience them in neat order, and even five at all.
Despite the fact that they are widely criticized, stage models are still found in health care training and television scripts and can make people feel as if they are stunning “bad”.
If your beloved is worried that they should feel more sadness or wonder why they haven’t felt bad yet, remind them: regret is personal and unpredictable. There is no schedule, there is no script and shame without following it.
Helping someone abandoning these expectations can alleviate guilt, reduce internal pressure and encourage milder care.
4. Encourage communication – with living and lost
Sadness is often associated with emotional loneliness, a deep sense of loneliness, which persists even in the presence of others. Differs from social insulation; This is a pain of the lack of someone irreplaceable.
Read more: What can we learn from the rituals of death from the past
Although you cannot fix this loneliness, you can facilitate mourning in a further relationship with their beloved person. This may include writing letters to a person who died, talking to them in a grave or a special place, speaking prayers or engaging in meditation or creating boxes or memory rituals.
These forms of connection can facilitate integrate the loss with the recent reality. You can offer a joint visit to a significant place or support it when planning a diminutive commemorative gesture.
5. Create specific, practical offers
It is often said “let me know if you need something”, but for someone in deep sadness, you may seem impossible. Emotional overwhelming, fatigue and even shame can prevent them from being asked for facilitate, even if they desperately need it.
Instead, make deliberate, specific offers that remove decision -making and emotional delivery. This may include:
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Delivery of a home meal once a week
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Caring for pets or domestic plants
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Assistance in the funeral administrarity or documents
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Offering regular lifts for meetings
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Updating others on their behalf
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Sending messages with a clear “you don’t have to answer”
If you live far away, sending a card, SMS or voice note can still be powerful; Remember that they can receive a lot and feel the pressure to react. Line: “You don’t have to write back, I just wanted you to know that I think about you” can go a long way.
Sadness is not a mystery to solve or wounds to repair. This is a human reaction to love and loss – and is different for everyone.
The most powerful thing you can do? Be there. Stay present. Listen without judgment. And remember that there are no perfect words. The most essential thing is to show authenticity, patience and compassion.
