Aid! I am uncertain and do not trust my partner

Similarly, he and a woman in Picklescall may be associated with the fact that they both move relationships with people struggling with addictions, but it seems that he will disregard how the intensity of their interaction can affect you – or what need herself, which goes beyond this commonness. (If this buddy with a picklebul was man, would he behave in the same way?)

All this is aimed at that your feelings matter – and does not lend a hand you, your partner or your relationship to keep them to yourself to avoid discomfort. If you want to “live safer”, you must show yourself authentically and ask him. The purpose of the conversation is not to tell him what he can and cannot do; It is informing him how his actions affect you and that you understand where they come from.

You can say something like:

I really enjoy our relationship and I want to tell you more about me and learn more about you because we are still approaching. When we play Pickleskall together, I feel excluded because of how you approach the woman with whom we play. I understand that you have something crucial in common, but the intensity of the way it attracts you makes me feel ignored and invalid, like a third wheel. Something similar happens when you talk about your train to other women and I wonder why you decide to share it with me. In the past I had a tendency to uncertainty; I also know that sometimes, when I feel like this, it’s not about my past, but about something that requires attention in the present. I hope that talking about this, you can become more sensitive to my feelings.

It would be great if we could all introduce relationships by passing our “user manuals” to the other person. Instead, we learn how the other person works – what buttons do not press, which means that things work smoothly – through direct and fair communication. The more we do it, the more we adapt to each other of each other’s emotional landscape, which allows each partner to develop the awareness of the fine places of the second and treat them carefully.

But if this does not happen with your partner – if he still discusses his attraction for other women or does not try to make a place for you in Picklyball (or maybe go to Al-anon In the case of bonds and conversations about recovery he is looking for) – you still do work to learn to trust yourself. Because you will realize that what you experienced was not the same venerable jealousy – it was wisdom. Trust him and find someone who wants to be fine in his heart.

Do you want to ask a therapist? If you have a question, send e -mail to askthetherapist@nytimes.com. By sending an inquiry, you agree to ours Conditions for submitting the reader. This column does not replace professional medical advice.