The death of Father Jelena Dokica reveals the “arduous and complicated regret” of the loss of the alienated parent

Paming parent’s death is often considered a natural part of life. But layers of complexity were added when you had a arduous or alienated relationship.

This week there was a tennis star, Jelena Dokic confirmed the death of his father and former coach Damir, whose verbal, physical and emotional abuse revealed in 2009 and more detailed in it Autobiography 2017. They were alienated for a decade.

IN Post on social media On Thursday, Dokic wrote about his “contradictory and elaborate emotions and feelings” around his death:

No matter how arduous, arduous and in the last 10 years they don’t even exist [sic] Our relationship and communication were, it is never uncomplicated to lose their parent […] The loss of the alienated parent is associated with arduous and complicated regret.

Dokica messages are a reminder that when a parent dies, not everyone can sadden a stable, sultry and comforting relationship.

As in her case, a tight relationship can even be marked by abuse or abuse. Contact with resignation can sometimes be the best, though arduous choice.

When the parent dies, the loss may seem surprisingly elaborate. We can fall apart both the literal death of the parent and the figurative death of what should be – what we would like and we wanted.

Death can cause more than sadness

It is not regret single emotion. This is usually associated with a combination of many. Joint feelings can include sadness, guilt, anger and even relief.

Sharing her post on social media, Dokic said that from among contradictory emotions she decided to “focus on good memory.”

Sadness can go beyond feelings. Maybe disturb food and sleep habits and impair Memory and concentration.

Deaths can also affect relationships.

For example, when mourning, someone can receive a lot of social support from family, friends and colleagues. But for others, the support they would like may not be in the future. No support is another loss and is associated with Worse physical and mental health.

Family members can also react in different ways. It can be shocking or alienation if your siblings react differently, for example by sharing nice memories of a parent, which you considered strict and distant.

Death can also affect your financial position. A person mourning can be charged with outstanding bills and funeral payments. Or the impact can be positive, through graces from insurance and inheritance.

What if I don’t feel unhappy?

You can feel sorry for how you feel. You may think that you are despairing a “improper” way, but it may be helpful that there are no strict rules regarding the “appropriate” sadness.

Be fragile for yourself. And give other family members who could have different relationships with their parent, and therefore be saddened differently, the same kindness.

You can also feel conflict, going to the funeral.

In this case, take time to think about the advantages and disadvantages of participation. This can be helpful in processing your regret and receiving support. Or you can feel that participation would be too arduous or emotionally perilous for you.

If you decide to participate, it can support you meet someone who can support you because of it.

In an alienated relationship, an adult child may not even find out about the death of a parent for many weeks or months later. This means that it is not possible to participate in the funeral or other funeral rituals. Consider creating Your own rituals To support process loss and regret.

What if I feel unhappy – but it still hurts?

It can be very misleading to be unhappy because of the death of a parent with whom we had a arduous, tight or violent relationship.

Identifying where these contradictory thoughts and feelings come from, can support.

Perhaps you need Recognize and regret Loss of your parent, loss of parent-child relationship you deserved, and even a loss of hope for apologies and re-connections.

In many cases, it is a combination of those losses that can make regret more arduous.

It can also be arduous to get social support that you need from family, friends and colleagues.

These potential helpers may not be aware of the difficulties you have experienced in a relationship, or incorrectly believe that restless relationships are easier to regret.

You can seem taboo to talk badly about the dead, but it can be helpful about the relationship and your needs so that people can support you better.

In fact, lighting the death of people with whom we have arduous, contradictory and even offensive relationships can lead more regret than the death of those with whom we shared a sultry, loving and simpler relationship.

If the loss is particularly arduous, and your regret does not change and subsides over time, look for support from a general doctor. They can be able to recommend a psychologist or advisor with mourning experience.

Alternatively, you can find certified mourning practitioners who have a special training in support of regret online Or search for telephone support in Giefline on 1300 845 745.