What did cancer have taught me about fear

And then my greatest fear passed. In 2021 I learned that after a decade of remission, leukemia returned. After this long time of recurrence is extremely occasional, and my prognosis was not good. I thought, “This time I can die” and it was terrifying. But I did a lot of work to find out who I was, what I wanted, and even if I did differently if I got infirmed again.

During the second bone marriage transplantation, instead of feeling frozen by fear, I caused original practice to define it. Drugs temporarily impaired my vision, so I daily in voice notes and watercolors. When my husband, Jon and I had to be separately, we remained connected by lullabies, which he folds for me. And when I became so feeble that I needed a walker, I covered every inch of his remains with colorful jam. Later, instead of mercy, Li’l Dazza and I met with delight and, what amazingly, going through “Nippy Walker!”

I survived this transplant, but I will never be considered cured. I will be in the treatment for an indefinite period and it may seem that the Damocles sword hung over me. But giving fear makes it tough to live. You are afraid of reconstruction, because what you create may fall – but then there is simply a wreck. And the truth is that sometimes fear makes it tough to see when things If Good.

When I returned home a few months after the transplant, I opened the wardrobe and saw something obscure on the floor and in the shape of rodents. I replaced the door and called ioda, which came to examine. Then he went downstairs and said that I had a earnest problem on my hands. I felt caught panic and asked if I had to call the exterminator.

“No,” he said. “Shrink”. It wasn’t a mouse; It was a patchouli purse.

I started working on fear of mice in the therapy of exhibition led by a clinicist. And it worked. I no longer perceive mouse as a trap of fate. I understand that they are a fact of living in a city or country. And although I would still prefer to have iodi – whom I call the “angel” in all the wonderful ways in which I come with my aid – remove the sporadic mouse, I do not feel that I have to move out every time I see it. If the mice returned, I could deal with it.