Grandpa does not agree with “dainty parenting”

Children need empathy along with parents’ restrictions, and what you answer stepson is that this balance seems absent. On your account, your stepchildren does not allow her daughter’s discomfort, whom she must experience to develop immunity and a sense of competence in the world. Maybe this is because of the way your stepchildren became parental and she either tries to imitate or leave.

Sometimes lonely parents are afraid of being a “bad guy” when they move in divorce or compensate for divorce pain, “protecting” a child with additional delicacy. Or maybe your stepchildren believe that adopting your own parental style is one of the few ways in which he can keep a sense of control during contact with the reluctant former.

In families who have more adults at home, children operate different ways to deal with situations, and although you do not live with your granddaughter, you are one of those adults in her life. You can take the approach of the aquarium, allowing her to express your emotions without your contempt (She is not a “brat”, she fights with emotional regulation) By also setting clear expectations and offers briefly explanations of his decisions. (You can’t eat cookies now because we’re going to eat dinner, but you can have them later.) If your granddaughter pulls out in response, you don’t have to react – you can redirect it by inviting her to play with you, and still be sultry, but not reactive, if it rejects and continues to sulk.

The more comfortable the granddaughter feels with you, the more time you can spend with her without the presence of your mother. (As a lonely mother, your stepchildren can enjoy downtime!) You may be surprised by how a child can adapt to various expectations in various environments, when these expectations are delivered with warmth and consistency.

You can also work on strengthening the relationship with the stepson without raising your differences. When you feel seen and valued by you, he may even be interested in the parenthood that you model, instead of what he probably sees now as intrusive criticism. But even if she does not adapt her tendency to excessive explanation, her daughter was a witness to a amiable and incompatible relationship between you, she will probably make this girl more willing to trust and be more open to your approach. And when you feel that the frustration of watching your father, stop, stop to ask yourself what beliefs or experiences can inform your answer. This self -awareness can lend a hand in more constructive involvement of both stepchildren and granddaughter.

Ultimately, you can’t control how your stepdaughter raises her daughter, but you can control how you appear in the dynamics family. You may have to adapt your expectations and recognize that your influence will be the greatest if you can position yourself as an ally, not a critic.

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