Too sentimental to reject? Start here.

Kim Allen doesn’t like a mess. But when it comes to some of her most sentimental items, it is arduous to let her go.

There is a ceramic creature on the top of the list that her daughter did years ago. He has one eye, lolling the tongue and yield of blue hair. He shows him in a observable place near the bathroom sink, because it always makes him smile.

But there are other souvenirs that do not bring the same kind of joy – such as souvenirs and works of art given to its relatives – which only occupy space, physically and emotionally.

“I hope I retire at the age of 67,” said Allen, who is 52 years aged and lives in Sherrill, ny, “Do I really want to deal with these excess then? No, I want to have fun with friends and family, enjoying life that I worked so difficult. “

And yet for a long time Mrs. Allen felt restless with rejecting family souvenirs.

Sentimental elements are among the most arduous things to part. Mementos may feel related to our identity, especially if they once provided us with comfort or belonged to a beloved person. Getting rid of them can signal that some chapters of our lives have been closed, said Selena Jones, and Sadness and trauma therapist in Ontario, who trains older adults in the art of debt.

“People are caught in fear that if he releases something that is sentimental, they will forget about memory,” she said. But our memories live in us, she added, not in our things.

If you want to apply some of the most significant items, here are fragile ways to start with elegant experts.

Build your rejecting “muscles”

To start this process, think about why you want to reject first of all, said Dr. Carolyn Rodriguez, an expert in the field of gathering disorders and a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences in Stanford Medicine.

“Why” will be your motivation. For example, you can avoid leaving a lot of items that children could organize after death. Maybe you just want room or space to be more functional.

For Lee Shuer, 50 years aged, who lives with symptoms of accumulation disorders, making the choice of his sentimental objects was initially a huge challenge.

His pursuit of collecting things began in childhood. When he got his own space, things filled his home in Northampton, Massachusetts, spilling on the porch and choke the corridors. In the end he realized that he was sticking to things that reminded him of people, places and experience from his past.

“I wanted to make room for my future,” said Shuer. He imagines that he had a space that would be welcoming for friends, family, and ultimately a romantic partner. Now he Helps people reject Their houses and workshops of lecturers, which he helped to develop, for people with gathering disorders.

When your motivation becomes clear, Dr. Rodriguez recommends dealing with low -hanging fruit: common areas you apply every day.

For example, focusing on rejecting the living room and bathroom, your efforts will be immediately observable and satisfying, said Dr. Rodriguez.

Then go to items that seem the most arduous to reject.

Prioritize positions that “strengthen joy”

After the death of his mother Joshua Fields Millburn, a lot of podcast “minimalists”, he learned that the less sentimental objects, the more value she pulled out of them.

“Because if everything is sentimental, nothing is sentimental – he said.

So instead of putting everything in the “Musoleum mess,” he said, choose a few things that strengthen your joy and consider it.

Also ask if you will pay money for a given item again. If not, it’s a sign that you should let it go, said Mr. Millburn. If you think you can look at it again, consider taking a photo and storing it in a cloud or a special folder on your computer.

Mrs. Allen, who managed to equalize some of her more sentimental items, faced a more arduous challenge, considering the hand of deceased relatives-but finally she had to admit that she and her daughter did not want them.

At first, it made her feel guilty.

Such emotions “we will get stuck in us and it can lead to delay,” she said.

Do a little at once, but do it consistently

To avoid overwhelming, Mrs. Jones suggested that your task was as petite as possible. You can choose one room; One type of object, like a vast pile of paper; Or time pocket, for example every Saturday at 15:00, and then stick to her. Even if you spend only 10 minutes at once rejecting, you’ll see progress.

Susan Litt, 49, in Richmond, Virginia, constantly sorts works of art gathering from her two children. “You can’t have 10 containers for your children,” she said. “It’s overwhelming.”

Now that her children are teenagers, she asks for their contribution to what matters and what can go. He also avoids trying to sort everything at once – “it’s too drastic for me,” she said. Instead, he will return to the same stack of things in a few months.

Try these decision -making techniques

If you are not sure where to start, Dr. Rodriguez suggested, choose the item and ask yourself two questions: 1) What comes to mind when you keep this item? 2) What if you got rid of it?

Dr. Rodriguez added that it is often helpful to share your answers with a friend or family member. She added that just a conversation about the subject and the period he represents can sometimes lend a hand people let go.

You can also ask a friend or neighbor to stick to something you are considering parting for a week, he suggested that Shuer. Then see how you feel when the week is over. Was it as arduous as you expected?

Steve Wobrak, 67, from Latrobe, Pa., He said that this strategy helped him give him one of the many figurines of his daughter’s elephants – many years after her death.

“I pulled out tears,” he said. Farewell to one sentimental object made getting rid of others a bit easier. He soon realized that the memories did not disappear, even if the items yes.

“You can have emotional attachments,” said Dr. Rodriguez. “You just can’t keep all things.”