Men bear the brunt of the ‘loneliness epidemic’ amid intense societal pressure

A few weeks before Justin Bieber and his wife Hailey announced in May 2024 that they were expecting a child, the pop icon posted a selfie of he looks tearful and desperate.

While media attention quickly focused on the pregnancy, little attention was paid to the significance of the male star and the future father publicly shares his sensitivity.

But Bieber’s social media post is noteworthy because it highlights his internal conflict.

Emotional pain is linked to serious health problems. Yet the public’s reaction to male displays of emotion and vulnerability is often minimized, if not dismissed. In response to Bieber’s tearful post, for example, Hailey described it as “pretty crybaby.”

A year ago, Canadian rapper Dax released the song “Being a man.” He said at the time: “This is a song that I put my heart into. I pray that it reaches everyone who needs it.”

The message of this song is still relevant today. Contains song lyrics:

Yeah, I know this life can really get you down, uh
You want to scream but you can’t make a sound, uh
You have so much weight that you hold it
But as a man he does not show any emotions that remain unexpressed

How researchers Who study fatherhood and the roles that men play their familieswe recognize the loneliness and pain in these lyrics. We heard fathers describe the cost of trying to keep their feelings in check.

IN the last study we conducted for 75 up-to-date and expectant black fathers, they spoke of the need to address individual and collective trauma. This, they said, will ultimately support support their families. But they said resources to support men with mental health are often unavailable or very constrained. They said they often feel hidden to health care providers.

“Being a father and a man,” one participant said, “you have to keep the peace and be powerful on the outside. But on the inside, you know, you’re falling apart.”

Dax’s writing and our research reflect a perennial societal health concern—the deafening silence that typically surrounds men’s mental health issues.

The impact of isolation on men

In May 2023, US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued a warning highlighting what he described as the epidemic of loneliness and isolation in the country. Our research confirms this plague.

Because men’s social support networks—colleagues, family, close childhood friends—are often weaker than women’s, the epidemic disproportionately affects men. The resulting loneliness has very real health consequences.

In Murthy’s report, loneliness is associated with negative health outcomes, including “a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia in older adults. In addition, a lack of social connections increases the risk of premature death by more than 60%.”

Although Murthy’s report focuses on both men and women, research shows that it is men are less likely than women to seek mental health helpFurthermore, men have a more negative attitude towards seeking support and are more likely to discontinue treatment prematurely than women.

With these consequences in mind, a caring society might ask itself: Why do men bear the brunt of this health threat, and what can be done about it?

Redefining the value of men beyond just making a living

Many factors can contribute to men feeling isolated and disconnected.

In “To Be A Man,” Dax points out one critical factor:

As men we have to pave our own way
Our only function is work and slavery
There is no respect for you if you don’t get paid
You are ignored as a human being and you cannot complain

Customary definitions of masculinity emphasize the importance of the man’s role as the family breadwinner.

Uncertain economy AND more and more expensive apartments and food prices make it unaffordable for many men to provide financially for their families. These factors also undermine men’s self-esteem and contribute to loneliness and feelings of alienation.

As partners and fathers, men are still often seen as inadequate if they are unable to provide financially. And social norms emphasize that they are not valued for their abilities as caregivers, even as they are more involved in raising children than ever before.

This is detached from reality.

Men play an critical role as caregivers in their children’s lives, according to our research, and have a powerful influence on their children’s health and well-being. Men also find meaning in their role as fathers.

As Dax says:

As a man, our son is our horizon

The Cost of Suppressed Vulnerability

In addition to the pressure to provide for themselves, men must also overcome stereotypes that suggest they should be stoic and hide their fears and sadness.

Here too, gender norms need to be updated. Boys and men need to feel comfortable presenting their true, true selves to the world. When they suppress their vulnerability, it creates a barrier to seeking support. It also perpetuates stigma and the epidemic of loneliness.

There is a sophisticated relationship between society’s assumptions and beliefs about men and fatherhood.

As a result, men are less likely than women to seek mental health services. As a result, health care providers are they are more likely to underdiagnose and misdiagnose menFurthermore, when health resources are made available, they are often not tailored to the needs of men.

Societal expectations can create unbearable pressure on men. And the most marginalized groups, as low-income black fathersbear a disproportionate burden, research shows. This has become more apparent during the COVID-19 pandemic, as Black fathers working in high-risk and necessary jobs have prioritized supporting their children and families over their own risks of infection and mental health.

As men continue to redefine their roles within families and communities, it is critical for society to create a space that recognizes and accepts their vulnerability and full humanity in all social roles.

Men need an outlet for their pain. They would benefit from relationships – with partners, family and friends – who support and nurture them in moments of joy and emotional challenges. Their loneliness will continue to be disproportionate without the necessary connection to services.

Men may consider participating in low-stakes discussion groups in their communities, online groups, and at their churches. They may also seek out therapists in person or online for introductory sessions test the therapeutic interaction before establishing a more consistent pattern of therapeutic services.

In the song “To Be a Man” Dax sings:

No wonder most men are so depressed
Everything they can’t express
It’s the circle of life, as a man you provide
They don’t know what you’re worth until the day you die

As the Biebers adjust to life as parents, Justin can find people to talk to about his experiences and emotions, people who see and appreciate him fully. And we hope that’s the same for every man and father, living out of the spotlight and doing the best they can for themselves and their family.